Friday Recap 5/11/18

–The Line-Ups–

Dark: A squid with an extra long beak named Gary, Louisa May Alcott’s sister Faye, the first gremlin to jump out of the Xmas tree (coincidentally also named Gary), Scott Hamilton, the animated corpse of Benedict Arnold, random guy named Sven Gurglensson

White: Fran Tarkenton’s nephew Charles, a satyr playing a fife (minus the perma boner), two amorphous blob’s that need to learn how to pass the damn puck, Betty White, Chip

Goalie(s): a Saved By The Bell trapper keeper held up by bungee cords (white), Goldberg (dark)

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Unless you’re just exiting an opium den (looking at you Maestro), you can probably tell that was a make believe line-up.  I wasn’t at today’s skate because I got stitches in my thumb last night.

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Let me paint the picture and assume you all care.

I pick up my girl from cheerleading practice and come home to my boy playing football in the street.  He’s with two of our friends and neighbors kids; one just finished his sophomore year in high school and the other his sophomore year in college.  Now long ago my friend’s diagnosed me with “fetch syndrome”, if there’s a ball a flying, I’m a running (you might recognize this very same behavior with the puck).  So seeing the football soaring through the air evoked an urge I can’t control.  A lot of other low brow writers would probably add a crass ball joke, not me though, I’m waaay too classy for that.

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Alright, alright i’ll stop.  It’s just so hard once you get going.

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Okay I’m done for real now.

Long story short because I tend to drone on, Connor (the college lax player) and I got into a “first one to drop the ball loses” game.  These most always devolve into us whipping the football at each other.  I used to be much better at this game when we were both younger.  Anyways, the laces of the football on one of his passes going mach 12, exploded my skin.  Not a slice, blunt force trauma opening a goddamn chasm into the pulpy nether regions of my hand.  Once I looked at it I knew right away it was stitches worthy.  I really didn’t want to go to the hospital, but my options were slim.

I might be able to play next Wednesday, but I’m gonna take it day to day.  Until that time comes when I play again, rest up and game plan cause I’m gonna be a whirlwind of anarchy and discord!

Have a good weekend you flea infested neanderthals!

Drinks are on you.

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And Friday…

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–Weevey–

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